Money is a difficult topic for most couples, especially early in their relationship. We’re continuing our conversation with Russell Baxter, a professional counselor (LPC LCDC-I) who works with couples to help them with how money impacts their relationship. Russell runs a counseling practice in Grapevine, Texas. He teaches clinical continuing education classes as well as classes on finances and marriage and is currently writing a book on the topic.
MONEY AND MARRIAGE - AN INTERVIEW WITH RUSSELL BAXTER LPC LCDC-I
Sharing Your Heart, Sharing Your Treasure - book by Russell Baxter (coming soon)
When you talk and agree on finances with your spouse you improve your intimacy and share your heart.
COMMON SITUATIONS IN MARRIAGES TODAY
- CPA Home
- Joint Venture Home
- Wild West Home
- A Team Home
Money is complicated because it’s influenced by our emotions.
- Impulsivity = Insecurity, Uncertainty, Fear, No Trust
- No Communication = Decrease in self-esteem, Trust, and More Resentment
- No Plan = Chaos, Anxiety, Feeling Trapped/Stuck
- Having a Plan = Comfortable spending, Decrease in Anxiety
- Accountability = More Impulse Control and Trust
- Planning for the Future = Foster Safety and Security in Relationship
- Communicate about Desires = More Vulnerability
How a couple can get started managing money together as a team
Just Talk About It…
- Talking about our money is vital and a skill.
- It Takes Practice!
We must Create a Foundation for Conversations:
- Action – Follow through/ Accountability
- Budget – Execution / Limits
- Plans – How / Time Frame
- Goals – Dreams / Direction
- Principles / Priorities – What’s important to us? Boundaries for our Family
When we are having a problem with an upper layer refer to the level below. Our foundation is not dependent on our feelings and impulses; it is based on our principles and our priorities. This process is messy and takes time, especially if you are coming from the Wild West.
- Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing
- Own your part/Take Responsibility
- Watch Your Pronouns
- Mine, Yours
- “That’s your problem/debt”
- “You can borrow my money”
Working Like A Team
- What do you want?
- How can you have what you want within our Foundations?
- What can I do to help?
A Healthy Team is:
- Isn’t looking at how other teams play
- Cares more about the team then the individual
- Doesn’t beat up a player who makes a mistake (Shaming)
- Meets frequently
- Reviews errors and changes the plan
- Keeps their eye on the prize