Episode 32
Money is a difficult topic for most couples, especially early in their relationship.  We’re talking with Russell Baxter, a professional counselor (LPC LCDC-I) who works with couples to help them with how money impacts their relationship.  Russell runs a counseling practice in Grapevine, Texas.  He teaches clinical continuing education classes as well as classes on finances and marriage and is currently writing a book on the topic.

SHOW NOTES:

Money and Marriage - An interview with Russell Baxter LPC LCDC-I

Sharing Your Heart, Sharing Your Treasure - book by Russell Baxter (coming soon)

Where your treasure is, your Heart will be also.
— Matthew 6:21

When you talk and agree on finances with your spouse you improve your

intimacy and share your heart.

 

Heart is:

Thoughts                     Passions
Desires                        Dreams
Intentions                    Interests
Attitude                        Character

 

These are the things that we are trying to get our clients to share with each other.

 

Money Fights/Money Problems shows up in every major study as one of the most common reasons for divorce.

 

Common situations in marriages today

 

1. CPA Home

  • One partner manages all of the finances
  • Other partner knows little to nothing about finances
  • Very common in single income homes
  • One partner makes most decisions and even sometimes gives the other an
  • “Allowance” or lets them know that they can spend
  • “Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”
  • “You handle it.”

2. Joint Venture Home

  • Tend to not talk about a plan
  • Very common in remarried couples
  • Both partners manage their own accounts
  • Checking
  • Debit
  • Debt
  • Retirement

3. Wild West Home

  • No plan / budget
  • Spend as long as we have money
  • Talk about desires but lack a plan or accountability
  • Not stewarding well

4. A Team Home

  • Two people working together
  • Communications
  • Talking about what we want and a way to get it

 

Money is complicated because it represents:

Safety              Fulfillment                  Purpose                      Shame
Security           Anxiety                       Self-Esteem                Guilt
Future             Possibilities                Healing                        Inadequacy

 

Whether spoken or assumed we each associate with money in an emotional way.
 

Two main reasons money problem stick around:

  1. Assumptions
  2. Implications

 

How can managing money help heal or wound your spouse?

Wounding

Impulsivity = Insecurity, Uncertainty, Fear, No Trust
No Communication = Decrease in self-esteem, Trust, and More Resentment
No Plan = Chaos, Anxiety, Feeling Trapped/Stuck

Healing

Having a Plan = Comfortable spending, Decrease in Anxiety
Accountability = More Impulse Control and Trust
Planning for the Future = Foster Safety and Security in Relationship
Communicate about Desires = More Vulnerability
 

Resources

Combining Finances for Couples - Episode 18
Managing Money Well for a Lifetime - Episode 29
More information about Russell Baxter