Episode 57
Being able to communicate about finances with your spouse is crucial to a happy and satisfying marriage.  On this episode, professional counselor Russell Baxter who has recently released his book, Sharing Your Heart Sharing Your Treasure, is sharing his insight and advice on what couples can do to improve their finances and as a result, their marriage. 


SHOW NOTES

4 Types of Households

1.     CPA Home

2.     Joint Venture Home

3.     Wild West Home

4.     Team Home

 

1. CPA Home

  • One partner manages all of the finances.

  • Other partner knows little to nothing about finances.

  • Very common in single income homes.

  • One partner makes most decisions and even sometimes gives the other an “allowance” or lets them know that they can spend.

  • “Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”

  • “You handle it.”

2. Joint Venture Home

  • Tend to not talk about a plan

  • Very common in remarried couples

  • Both partners manage their own accounts

  • Checking

  • Debit

  • Debt

  • Retirement

3. Wild West Home

  • No plan / budget.

  • Spend as long as we have money.

  • Talk about desires but lack a plan or accountability.

  • Not stewarding well.

4. A Team Home

  • Two people working together.

  • Communications.

  • Talking about what we want and a way to get it.

 

We must Create a Foundation for Conversations: 

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  • Action – Follow through/ Accountability.

  • Budget – Execution / Limits.

  • Plans – How / Time Frame.

  • Goals – Dreams / Direction.

  • Principles / Priorities – What’s important to us? Boundaries for our Family.

 

When we are having a problem with an upper layer refer to the level below. Our foundation is not dependent on our feelings and impulses; it is based on our principles and our priorities.

 

This process is messy and takes time, especially if you are coming from the Wild West.

When you talk and agree on finances with your spouse you improve your intimacy and share your heart.
— Russel Baxter

Matthew 6:21

For where your treasure is, your Heart will be also.

 

Heart is:

  • Thoughts

  • Passions

  • Desires

  • Dreams

  • Intentions

  • Interests

  • Attitude

  • Character

 

These are the things that we are trying to get our clients to share with each other.

Money Fights/Money Problems shows up in every major study as one of the most common reasons for divorce.

 

Common situations in marriages today


Why is Money So Complicated?

Money represents:    

  • Safety

  • Security

  • Fulfillment

  • Purpose

  • Shame

  • Guilt

  • Anxiety

  • Inadequacy

  • Self-Esteem

  • Future

  • Possibilities

  • Healing

 

Whether spoken or assumed we each associate with money in an emotional way.

 

Creating mindfulness about my relationship with money.

Two main reasons money problem stick around:

  1. Assumptions

  2. Implications

 

How can managing money help heal or wound your spouse?

Wounding

  • Impulsivity > Insecurity, Uncertainty, Fear, No Trust.

  • No Communication > Decrease in self-esteem, Trust, and More Resentment.

  • No Plan > Chaos, Anxiety, Feeling Trapped/Stuck.

Healing

  • Having a Plan > Comfortable spending, Decrease in Anxiety.

  • Accountability > More Impulse Control and Trust.

  • Planning for the Future > Foster Safety and Security in Relationship.

  • Communicate about Desires > More Vulnerability.

 

A Healthy Team is:

  • Isn’t looking at how other teams play.

  • Cares more about the team than the individual.

  • Doesn’t beat up a player who makes a mistake (shaming).

  • Meets frequently.

  • Reviews errors and changes the plan.

  • Keeps their eye on the prize.

 

RESOURCES

Sharing Your Heart Sharing Your Treasure Book - Signed copy
Sharing Your Heart Sharing Your Treasure Book - On Amazon
Budget Forms and Tools
David’s New Book - Jesus on Money
David’s New Website - www.stewardshippastors.com