GMR 33: Marriage and Money Part 2

Episode 33
Money is a difficult topic for most couples, especially early in their relationship.  We’re continuing our conversation with Russell Baxter, a professional counselor (LPC LCDC-I) who works with couples to help them with how money impacts their relationship. Russell runs a counseling practice in Grapevine, Texas. He teaches clinical continuing education classes as well as classes on finances and marriage and is currently writing a book on the topic.

SHOW NOTES:

MONEY AND MARRIAGE - AN INTERVIEW WITH RUSSELL BAXTER LPC LCDC-I

Sharing Your Heart, Sharing Your Treasure - book by Russell Baxter (coming soon)

““Where your treasure is, your Heart will be also.””
— Matthew 6:21

When you talk and agree on finances with your spouse you improve your intimacy and share your heart.

COMMON SITUATIONS IN MARRIAGES TODAY

  1. CPA Home

  2. Joint Venture Home

  3. Wild West Home

  4. A Team Home

Money is complicated because it’s influenced by our emotions.      

Wounding

  • Impulsivity = Insecurity, Uncertainty, Fear, No Trust

  • No Communication = Decrease in self-esteem, Trust, and More Resentment

  • No Plan = Chaos, Anxiety, Feeling Trapped/Stuck

Healing

  • Having a Plan = Comfortable spending, Decrease in Anxiety

  • Accountability = More Impulse Control and Trust

  • Planning for the Future = Foster Safety and Security in Relationship

  • Communicate about Desires = More Vulnerability

 

How a couple can get started managing money together as a team

Just Talk About It…

  • Talking about our money is vital and a skill.

  • It Takes Practice!

 

We must Create a Foundation for Conversations:

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  • Action – Follow through/ Accountability

  • Budget – Execution / Limits

  • Plans – How / Time Frame

  • Goals – Dreams / Direction

  • Principles / Priorities – What’s important to us? Boundaries for our Family

When we are having a problem with an upper layer refer to the level below. Our foundation is not dependent on our feelings and impulses; it is based on our principles and our priorities. This process is messy and takes time, especially if you are coming from the Wild West.

Constructive Arguments

  • Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing

  • Own your part/Take Responsibility

  • Watch Your Pronouns

    • Mine, Yours

    • Ours

    • “That’s your problem/debt”

    • “You can borrow my money”

Working Like A Team

  • What do you want?

  • How can you have what you want within our Foundations?

  • What can I do to help?

A Healthy Team is:

  • Isn’t looking at how other teams play

  • Cares more about the team then the individual

  • Doesn’t beat up a player who makes a mistake (Shaming)

  • Meets frequently

  • Reviews errors and changes the plan

  • Keeps their eye on the prize

 

RESOURCES

Combining Finances for Couples - Episode 18
Managing Money Well for a Lifetime - Episode 29
More information about Russell Baxter

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