Money is a difficult topic for most couples, especially early in their relationship. We’re continuing our conversation with Russell Baxter, a professional counselor (LPC LCDC-I) who works with couples to help them with how money impacts their relationship. Russell runs a counseling practice in Grapevine, Texas. He teaches clinical continuing education classes as well as classes on finances and marriage and is currently writing a book on the topic.
MONEY AND MARRIAGE - AN INTERVIEW WITH RUSSELL BAXTER LPC LCDC-I
Sharing Your Heart, Sharing Your Treasure - book by Russell Baxter (coming soon)
When you talk and agree on finances with your spouse you improve your intimacy and share your heart.
COMMON SITUATIONS IN MARRIAGES TODAY
Joint Venture Home
Wild West Home
A Team Home
Money is complicated because it’s influenced by our emotions.
Impulsivity = Insecurity, Uncertainty, Fear, No Trust
No Communication = Decrease in self-esteem, Trust, and More Resentment
No Plan = Chaos, Anxiety, Feeling Trapped/Stuck
Having a Plan = Comfortable spending, Decrease in Anxiety
Accountability = More Impulse Control and Trust
Planning for the Future = Foster Safety and Security in Relationship
Communicate about Desires = More Vulnerability
How a couple can get started managing money together as a team
Just Talk About It…
Talking about our money is vital and a skill.
It Takes Practice!
We must Create a Foundation for Conversations:
Action – Follow through/ Accountability
Budget – Execution / Limits
Plans – How / Time Frame
Goals – Dreams / Direction
Principles / Priorities – What’s important to us? Boundaries for our Family
When we are having a problem with an upper layer refer to the level below. Our foundation is not dependent on our feelings and impulses; it is based on our principles and our priorities. This process is messy and takes time, especially if you are coming from the Wild West.
Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing
Own your part/Take Responsibility
Watch Your Pronouns
“That’s your problem/debt”
“You can borrow my money”
Working Like A Team
What do you want?
How can you have what you want within our Foundations?
What can I do to help?
A Healthy Team is:
Isn’t looking at how other teams play
Cares more about the team then the individual
Doesn’t beat up a player who makes a mistake (Shaming)
Reviews errors and changes the plan
Keeps their eye on the prize